Resilience is a child’s ability to cope when things feel hard, then try again with support. For children aged 2–5, resilience doesn’t look like “toughing it out”. It looks like learning to name feelings, calm their body, and practise simple problem-solving—one small moment at a time.
What resilience can look like in under-5s
- Trying a puzzle again after it doesn’t work the first time.
• Waiting for a turn (with help) instead of grabbing.
• Saying “help please” when a zipper or shoe is tricky.
• Recovering after a wobble, a spill, or a “no” from a friend.
Everyday challenges that build resilience
Children build coping skills through ordinary childcare moments: transitions (goodbye at the gate, tidy-up time), sharing toys, learning new routines, trying unfamiliar foods, or joining group play. These are safe, repeatable chances to practise handling disappointment and building confidence.
How whānau and kaiako can support resilience
- Name the feeling, then reassure: “You’re frustrated. I’m here.” This helps children feel understood before they can learn.
- Keep the problem small and specific: “The tower fell. What could we try next?”
- Offer two simple choices: “Do you want to try again, or have a quick cuddle first?” Choices build a sense of control.
- Use ‘yet’ language: “It’s tricky… you can’t do it yet.” This supports a growth mindset without pressure.
- Coach micro-steps: “Take a breath. Hands gentle. Ask for a turn.” Practise the words you want them to use.
- Praise effort and strategies (not ‘being good’): “You kept trying and asked for help—awesome problem-solving.”
- Prepare for transitions: a 2-minute warning, a song, or a visual cue can reduce big feelings and build confidence over time.
- Model calm: your steady voice and slow breathing teach their nervous system what ‘safe’ feels like.
At childcare, we see resilience grow when adults respond consistently and kindly. When home and centre use similar language and routines, children learn faster because they know what to expect.
FAQs: Building resilience in young children
Q: What does ‘resilience’ mean for toddlers and preschoolers?
A: It’s the ability to cope with small upsets (like waiting or a toy conflict), then return to play with support and practice.
Q: Should I fix the problem straight away?
A: If it’s safe, pause first. Comfort them, then give them a chance to try a small step—this is where confidence grows.
Q: What can I say when my child is melting down?
A: Try: “You’re upset. I’m here. Let’s breathe together.” Keep words short and calm until their body settles.
Q: How do I handle sharing and turn-taking?
A: Coach the script: “Can I have a turn when you’re finished?” Use a timer or ‘one more turn’ to make it predictable.
Q: Does routine really help resilience?
A: Yes. Predictable routines reduce stress, so children have more capacity to practise coping and trying new things.
Q: My child gets very shy or anxious at drop-off—what helps?
A: Create a quick goodbye routine (hug, wave, teacher handover) and stick with it. Consistency builds trust over time.
Q: When should I seek extra support?
A: If distress is intense, lasts a long time, affects sleep/eating, or you’re worried, talk with your GP or a child health professional.
Q: How does outdoor play support resilience?
A: Nature play encourages manageable risk, persistence, and creativity—children learn ‘I can try, wobble, and try again.’